The Necessity for Gratitude

By Frank Crocitto with Thomas Wanning

From a talk at Discovery Institute.

I wish to speak about the necessity for gratitude. Every day we receive all kinds of things without recognizing where they come from or at what cost. Our very physical existence relies upon so many things, but food, clothing and shelter barely begin to describe the endless care and attention upon which we all depend. All of this comes to us at tremendous cost - and we just expect it. We don't even think about it.

Is it possible to become more grateful? We have all heard parents attempt to teach children gratitude by saying, "Thank you," whether they mean it or not. This is a pretty benighted approach, but it shows some recognition that gratitude can be cultivated. How can we teach ourselves not just to say, "Thank you," but to really mean it, to feel it?

But to go further, it is helpful to ask, what is the nature of gratitude? Why should one say, "Thank you?" Or be in a state of thankfulness? For what? Why?

Starting from the same spot, two people can have the same human possibility, and one is self-satisfied, complaisant and demanding while the other is grateful for the tiniest thing that comes their way. St. Francis, when stuck in freezing snow was grateful for the fact that he could feel the cold. Not, "Damn it, I'm cold!" But, "I have the capacity to feel cold!" This moved him. This may seem extreme, but it certainly represents a different point of view.

It is possible to start each day off by deliberately making the effort to bring to mind what we have to be grateful for. If you make any effort at all, you will see that the list is endless. If you really want to be overwhelmed, try writing it all down. It is extremely helpful to express gratitude out loud, so that the first words you speak every day are words of gratitude. You set a tone, you ring a bell and that's the day that you will have. Some people get up and start yelling at each other, arguing. What kind of day can you have then? Others are upset that they have to get up and they start out angry.

Gratitude is the natural response to the realization that you have been given something. If you receive something and realize it, thankfulness is the response. In order to get something that you didn't have, something must have given it to you. Something that is not you, right? That's the whole basis. Thanks is always an outward expression towards something other than yourself. If we go the other way and thank ourselves for ourselves, we get into very dangerous territory. The Pharisee that thanks God for the fact that he is not like other men is not really thanking God for making him that way; he is thanking himself for being that way.

You know the first beatitude, "Blessed are the poor." Does this make any sense to you? How is this possible? For one thing, it is easier for the poor to see that what they receive doesn't come from themselves. The original, Aramaic word for poor actually means beggar. You can still see them in the Mid-East today, with the cup, coming over to you. When you give they say, "Bless you! Bless you! Thank you." They bless you for what you give, completely out of proportion to the coin you gave. This is the stance of the beggar. You know what the rich say? "Get a job. Make yourself useful. Leave me alone." A very different stance. This is from the St. Luke's gospel.

Matthew goes a little further. He says, "Blessed are the poor in spirit." In Aramaic, "in spirit," refers to the inner attitude. Matthew says this just in case you think he is talking about money. He is talking about an inner state in which you recognize that you do not have. Then you can receive! Then you can recognize that what is coming to you is a gift, is something to be grateful for. You are in a constant state of gratitude. He is talking about being grateful for everything that comes to you. It isn't just each day. Isn't each breath a new day? You receive a breath and you are grateful - and then another one! And another! Can you imagine being grateful for every single breath that you take? That's being really poor! We are talking about a very high degree of spiritual development to be so grateful -- for being so aware - so awake!

Do you remember that with this particular beatitude there comes a great resounding promise? "For theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven!" That's what they get. He's not talking about when they die they are going to go to heaven. He's talking about a different state of mind, a different state of heart, of consciousness. That's what the poor in spirit can have. What does the Kingdom of Heaven mean? It means being wide awake. If you are asleep, lost in dreams, then you think everything is your due. You are annoyed that you are not getting enough. Right? Constant bitching and moaning that things are not the way they are supposed to be. From thinking, "I am not getting what I am supposed to," you can do all kinds of things. You can steal from others, screw them.

The Kingdom of Heaven is the state of being awake, of seeing things the way they really are. In that state you see where things come from, the source. You trace the source back to the Source. You know that you've been given everything, and you know the Giver! That's the blessed state of being poor in spirit. You've been given the human possibility, the human form. For what? What did you do to merit this? Nothing you can see. You just have it.

This kind of approach leads you to a more and more precise reception of your own life. Everything registers more specifically, more minutely, and therefore more fully. You can move! Most of the time we are grateful in relationship to people who can't do what we can do. We say to ourselves, "O, that poor cripple!" We are shocked with an appreciation for what we can do. But that is external, dependent on an external stimulus to stir us. But suppose you could develop an inner sense of everything that is around you. Moment by moment we are receiving, receiving, receiving. Someone speaks. You listen, and not only can you hear, you can understand what they mean! Can we learn to appreciate such ordinary, extraordinary facts as that? This depends upon a higher emotional state you can be in.

But what stops us? Emotions can't be forced or faked. Our hearts are hard. So hard they're often compared to stone. The problem is that we are so filled with lower emotions such as anger, resentment, fear, and envy that what is higher can't seep in. The heart becomes hard when all our emotions are about me. Me and my life…Me and my life. All the emotions are going the wrong way. It doesn't take much to look at someone and see that their emotional life is going. hopelessly inward, so they can't feel anything for anybody any more. As they get older, they don't get any wiser; they get more hard hearted. They can't stand children. "They get on my nerves. Get them away from me!" What's happened to them? They're dead, they're on the other side of the wall if they can't stand children! But they keep saying it. They think, "All I want to do is go to Florida and sleep in the sun."

The heart gets soft when all emotions are going out towards others. Because that's what the emotions are for-to connect us to others. If they turn inward, it stops the flow. Stone vibrates at a very low level. All our plans, all our schemes are based on this consistent emotional self-concern. It enters every aspect of life. Not only your own life, but everyone's. You can see the lack of flow. Everything they are scheming is all about what they are going to get. As if they were of any consequence! In that state they are of no consequence because they are of no use! Nothing really effective can be done by anybody so long as their heart is stone. You can try to do great good in the world-be a philanthropist, work in a soup kitchen-but if your heart is dead, you are just going through the motions. People don't need that. Suppose the heart is alive in a person and they are giving you some soup. They are adding the missing ingredient. That's why you are eating the soup - so you can get that ingredient. If the person just slops it at you, what have you got? Dead chickens!

You know what I am talking about? But if somebody does something-the smallest thing-and they do it from the heart-you can't ask for anything more. They've supplied everything. All the activities we place such importance on-are NOT what the world is about. It's about what is going on in the heart! If all the actions that take place are without tenderness of heart, then all those things mean nothing. They add up to nothing. Because what's supposed to happen is this living thing that comes from the heart. The world is just a scene for it to operate. The activities are just the plot. What makes the play is what is going on in the heart.

The sad part is that when the heart is that way, despite all efforts, they are of not only of no use to the world, they are of no use to themselves. Because they are creating a stone that is going to sink them. That's the millstone that Jesus was talking about. It is self-created. They have stepped out of unity and gone into absolute separation. They actually destroy themselves by taking the most essential part of themselves, the emotional life, and create a stone of it by which they sink themselves into the uttermost depths.

So the whole issue is, how do you soften a hard heart? One way is by means of intentional gratitude, by finding occasion for gratitude and pausing long enough so that you can begin to have a rudimentary feeling of gratitude. What you want to be able to do is to feel for others. In this way you break the illusion of others.

An excellent exercise is to actually mean "Thank you," when you say "Thank you." Actually be there, look the person in the eye if possible. Take a moment to make them real to you. When you thank somebody, gratitude flows. Gratitude connects you to the person who has been the vehicle for whatever has come to you. Instead of being separate from them, you are now connected. The other person may know nothing of it, but if you are really there, something happens. Sometimes they'll even try to put up a block because they are not used to being connected with. But if you really are there, it tends to break down. It is sort of a paper obstacle, because underneath, everyone really wants truth, wants oneness, wants to be connected.

This is really a golden opportunity because in a way we are coerced into saying "Thank you," so often. The wheels of society can' t really function without a lot of "Thank you's," "Your welcome's," and so forth. It is an opportunity to transform something mechanical into something real.

The emotional life has to be transformed, and as long as it stays the way it is, with this dull, stone-like vibration, then all our efforts lead to nothing. You can't become a human being without changing the state of your emotions. People cannot act like humans because we cannot feel like humans. If you are not feeling like a human feels, you can do all kinds of things. You hurt others because you can't feel for them. You only recognize in others what you have felt in yourself. If you have made a stone of your heart, then when you look outside at the world, all you will see are stones.