Beyond Jealousy

The Navigator for November 1997

by Eric Francis

I remember a couple of experiences of being abandoned by a lover, and plummeting into an abyss of rage, passion and sorrow. My life felt like a total loss as the flames of jealousy consumed my entire heart and mind. So would you believe me if I said that going through these experiences consciously was among the fastest ways I found my freedom and discovered my true relationship to myself?

In astrology, "phoenix bird" experiences of this kind fall into the realm of Scorpio, which represents one of the most mysterious processes in the universe. Scorpio is about the eternal cycle of death and rebirth — creation of the new, the destruction of the old and re-creation of the next. Scorpio's process is about surrender to the unknown, whether it's surrender to love or the loss of love. And Scorpio is about death. So its energy encompasses two things that come right along with the theme: orgasm and inheritance.

When, after my own delves into the Scorpionic process, the fire and smoke of jealousy had finally cleared, and after I had accepted the fact that my lover was back in France or happy with her new partner, my mind always went to a powerful state of consciousness on a very different level, as if I had been reborn into a new phase of my existence. From this, I learned a little shortcut to enlightenment: go straight through the jealous experience, and see where I come out on the other side. I eventually learned not to waste time playing around, trying to manipulate people to come back to me, or investing energy in my attachments. One afternoon a few years ago, when I was in a really freaked out jealous space, this bit of information came to me: "The only way out is in." Stated another way, the jealous experience must be addressed in the inner world rather than the outer one.

Whether you're born a Scorpio or not, its process or surrender - release - receive is part of you. It's especially so now — with both the Sun and powerful Chiron moving through Scorpio this month and magnifying its energy. So this seemed like a good time to reveal the "six secrets of jealousy." Here they are, in abbreviated form, with gratitude to everyone who ever helped me learn them, particularly Swami Anand Veershwar and a few beautiful friends who took the trip with me.

• Feelings like envy, anger, and betrayal are not jealousy. They are layers on the way into jealousy. It's important to recognize whether you're feeling actual jealousy or something else, make the distinction and face it consciously.

• Jealousy is the eruption of attachment. Attachment is not love, it blocks love. Attachment creates fear and crisis, and allows us to live in the false sense that we control the other. This is difficult to overcome; the only way to really let go of attachment is to let go of the other. It can't be done in the abstract. We will be forced to let go in ways that seem to be outside our control for as long as we are attempting to own or control the other person. In other words, we will keep experiencing either major losses in love, or very stifled love experiences, until we start to get the hang of the letting go game.

• The terror of jealousy is really based on a deeper fear of death, which is why it's so intense. It's not really about losing the "other," even though it seems to be. The reason we can become so freaked out at the possibility that our lover is (or may be) with someone else is because it threatens the existence of the known universe — the universe of the relationship, which is a very powerful, all-encompassing reality that we often mistakenly define as life itself. When we fear that our universe is about to vanish, we are thrown into the primal terror of dying. In fact, it's the closest we come in everyday life to experiencing death, and so it's a potent symbol of death. So potent, in fact, that by facing jealousy, we can actually begin to face the fear of death.

• In facing death, we have to face the bare-bones reality of our existence. Jealousy provokes questions like, "What is the nature of my existence?" and even, "Do I exist?" You might then ask, "Who is the 'I' that is doing all this freaking out?" "Who or what is this 'I' that thinks it can possess another person?" Asking these types of questions can trigger revelations from a deep space about our primal consciousness, which is our relationship with God or existence itself. So by really facing jealousy, we get to experience our existence in its purest form, which is spirit. This is why a fully realized jealous experience feels like going through death and reincarnation. It is a purification, and a very empowering experience.

• This has great rewards. One of them is the freedom from fear of loss, which means being able to experience love fully, standing firmly in your own existence. It means being able to take on the power of allowing relationships to change and saying good-bye when the time comes. Through facing jealousy consciously, we get to face others as they really are rather than as we would have them be, which is the only way to have a real relationship. This opens the way for the expression of deep love.

• Jealousy is erotic. There is tremendous sexual power pent-up in jealous emotions, and as jealousy is confronted honestly, that power is released. It is, in actuality, sexual energy that fuels jealousy in the first place, but it's severely distorted by fear. If you can turn the jealous situation around to the point where you can experience ecstasy at the thought of your partner or former partner's freedom and pleasure, you are on the road to liberation, and can begin to experience the power and happiness that exist beyond the wall of jealousy.

Sign-by-Sign for November 1997

ARIES — It is my duty as an astrologer to deliver the happy news that it's time to stop freaking out. I know, Saturn in Aries is sitting on your head at the moment, and he, his 256 rings and 14 moons are all refusing to budge. But it's still no excuse. Fear breeds fear. Worry breeds more worry, and those things eat your soul alive. Taking action and making real decisions breed results, as well as bigger and better opportunities. With Mars, your ruling planet, crossing the midheaven angle of your solar chart later this month, you have every right to a heart filled with confidence, and to present yourself to the world with simple candor and faith in yourself.

TAURUS — After a period of intenser-than-usual living, I now see you pulling in the reins and taking a more conservative approach to life. You may be equating this with a more reserved approach to sex, putting passion in the back seat compared to seemingly more important or "spiritually correct" things. Please do yourself a favor. Question everything you believe about your sexuality and trace where the values come from. In other words, what parent taught you what? Who ignored your most crucial years of development? What did those nuns beat into your head? What (for example) about the first guy who proposed to you or the girl who wouldn't have sex unless you promised to marry her? What did those people teach you? And who was it that gave you the notion, however remotely it's lingering in the stem of your brain, that sex is in some way naughty?

GEMINI — Here's a clue as to what's happening in your relationships: it is slowly coming to be that people can have a profound effect on you. Not that you were cold or insensitive in years past. It's just that despite being such a flexible and fast-changing ... and, well, at times kind of flighty person, you have been slow in developing the ability of allowing people to reach you on the soul level. You are more than your mind, and that something more is the deepest core of your human existence. But that core self is barely perceptible to the personality structure in which we, and especially you, spend so much of your time. You are going deeper, and you are not going there alone.

CANCER — This month I have an assignment for you. Find out your Moon sign, that is, the sign of the horoscope in which your Moon is placed, and do a little reading about it. Cancer is the only sign ruled by the Earth's mysterious satellite, and its placement in your chart is a major distinguishing characteristic. I say this because this month's Scorpio New Moon, which happens in a magnificent conjunction with Chiron in your 9th House, is likely to be filling you with the desire to go deeper into who you are and what your real spiritual values are all about. Astrology is an excellent system for beginning that kind of self-discovery work. To find out more, contact your friendly neighborhood stargazer, or rummage the shelves at Esoterica Books in New Paltz or Mirabai Books in Woodstock. My official "favorite astrology book list" will be on reserve.

LEO — Home is the most cosmic place in the world this month, Leo, the very place where the mysteries of life are the most likely to unfold. It's where you can fill your heart and mind with the delicious satisfaction of emotional grounding, the deep rooting that our wandering human spirits so sorely crave. The profound sense of vulnerability you may be experiencing lately is the beginning of a new level of consciousness for you, a new way of experiencing the life within. The basic guidelines: Anything can be experienced on one of many different levels of consciousness. You are the center of the universe, and also a tiny but vital part of the whole. And the deeper you look within yourself, the more you will find out.

VIRGO — I am very impressed. You are certainly doing an excellent job of knowing what you feel, what you believe and what you want out of life. So excellent, in fact, that you have a lot to teach the rest of us. Please talk about yourself more than usual for the next few weeks, Virgo. Tell us what you've discovered, what your best hunches are, and what you know to be true about the deepest mysteries of existence. And pay attention to what you say, because this divine wellspring of information you're tapping into is sure to contain some vital facts that will help you get through any challenging situation, particularly if one arises on the home front a little later in the month.

LIBRA — You are in an extended phase of your life in which finding a balance between the "big picture" and the "small picture" is a really important project. It's obsessive, and you may not even know quite what you're trying to accomplish. Applying my best understanding of the potent little planet Pluto, I get that it's about your being able to take spiritual generalities and make them into practical devices for everyday living, and at the same time, seeing how some of the most mundane activities you endure are really about learning to allow an expression of true quality to come through your mind and inspire you deeply. What would it be like to see God in the embroidery you are doing? What would T.S. Eliot or Shakespeare have to say about changing the oil in your car?

SCORPIO — Ah, the lights are finally starting to come on. How long has it been, my Scorpio friend? Five years? Ten years? Even longer? What does it feel like to discover that you are powerful, and that this power comes from your ability to see situations clearly and then make appropriate decisions? How does it feel to be able to conceive of the idea of change, and view this as a process of life and not of death? The next two years are the time ordained by the Universe for you to correct every mistake you have ever made, to heal every wound ever inflicted on you, and to correct the multitude of lacks and losses that have plagued you for so long. Starting right now. Be generous with yourself.

SAGITTARIUS — As you begin to experience the stirrings of your true social conscience, remember that art is an act of revolution. If I had to take a wild guess, I would say that theater has created more positive social change than all the overthrows of governments combined, and that painting and sculpture have done more to shock people into the radical consciousness of God than a million meditating Buddhist monks ever could. Real art lays naked the soul of the artist, which virtually guarantees that the people who experience it will be compelled in some way to see themselves as they really are. Yet the gift for the creative mind that dares to do what is real or say what is true is learning the power of drawing from the endless wellspring of life within you.

CAPRICORN — In the past year, you have made great strides in working your way out of the strange, limited ideas about life that have been passed down to you from many generations ago. Please, don't stop here. Holding onto that collective crud known as "history" and the heap of cracked images often mistakenly called "culture" only serves to contain and restrict your most valuable gifts to your society. What I am saying is that you have a tremendous gift to offer us, and many valuable things to teach us, Capricorn, and what you get in return is the incredible freedom of being an absolutely unique individual. Who would have thought?

AQUARIUS — Optimism is usually one of those things that people have or they don't. But we're rapidly moving into the energetic age, a phase of human history when the fact that thought is creative is becoming widely understood. This becomes more crucial to honor for individuals who are increasing their spiritual or worldly power, because the more power you have, the more creative it is, and the more you and the world around you are affected by it. I must mention here the people who are negative, who suspect they may be negative, or those who haven't really taken a look at themselves or their relationships closely enough to have figured it out. Wake up. Get with it. Do your work. A lot is in store for you, and you won't want to miss out on any of it.

PISCES — Pisces is ruled by two planets, Jupiter, the God of Fortune, and Neptune, the Mystical Father. In 1998, both planets will take starring roles in your life, and this means big changes. Just a little preparation will ensure that they are of the most positive nature, and will enable you to fully experience the spiritual and creative revolutions that appear to be so clearly written in the stars. By preparation, I mean two things, mainly. One is that you need to work hard in the final months of this year to provide the minimum basic structure in your life, which means remembering, as Patric Walker once wrote, that if you scratch a Pisces you'll find a Virgo under their skin. The second thing is to stop doing things that you know hurt you. Habits can take some time to break; this is your first notice.++

Eric Francis will speak at Esoterica Books at 7:30 p.m.. Friday, Nov. 14. The theme will be "Another World: Responsible Non-monogamy." Mr. Francis stargazes from rural upstate New York. Listen for Radio Navigator on WDST, Radio Woodstock, Sunday nights at 11 on 100.1 FM. Visit "The Worlds of Eric Francis" at http://www.ulster.net/~efrancis, or contact his office for a private reading at 914 339 3339.