Backbone > Quarter to Three
Two Prophets
Illustration by Thomas McDonough

Buying a God
[this play takes place during an era of idolatry.]
Frank: Can you buy me a god?
Dad: A god?
Frank: Yeah,
I found an ad in the newspaper. A used god for $2500.
Dad: Why do you need your own god? Can’t you borrow my god?
Frank: But there are times when we both need a god.
And I’m old enough. I’ve been taking praying lessons.
Dad: $2500 is a lot of money.
Keep looking, and we’ll talk about it.
Frank: Thanks. [Pause.] How old were you when you got your first god?
Dad: 19.
Frank: Oh.
Dad: And it was a very old god. One of the arms was missing. I had to keep sewing the head back on.
Frank: Really?
Dad: Yes, a god is a lot of work.
Frank: I know.
Dad: And you have to be careful. You can have an accident.
Frank: I learned that in praying class.
Dad: I had a friend, Willie. His mother lost all her hair. The wrong prayer.
Frank: Did her hair grow back?
Dad: No, it never did.
Frank: Wow.
Dad: That’s why you should practice praying, before you get your own god.

An Intuition
It’s nearly time for a remake of
“Doo Wah Diddy Diddy Dum Diddy Doo.” —8/19/02

Two Prophets
Two prophets met at a bus stop.
“Tonight will be rainy,” the first prophet said.
“Yes,” said the second.
“Then tomorrow will be clear,” said the first prophet.
“I agree,” said the second.
“And the day after that...”
“Of course!”
Then their bus came.

Cure For Anxiety
If you are feeling anxiety:
Cut a piece of twine 96" long.
Wrap the twine around a pillow, then pull tight. Make three knots.
Place the pillow in a closet.
Chant three times: “Never rest!”
Continue your daily activities.

Dream (1/19/02)
Viewing a map of Afghanistan, I slowly recognize it’s a New York Times op-ed piece cut into a map-shape.

Poem No. 96
luit

Heard In A Dream
“I have a fear of small Jungian apartment buildings.”

Two Police
Two policemen were angry at each other, so they decided to arrest each other. They took each other into prison,
and sat together in the same cell.
After some time, one of the policemen said, “I feel foolish.”
The second policeman said, “So do I.”
The policemen attempted to leave the prison,
but were ignored.

Reversed Joke
A: The World Wide Spider.
Q: Who made the World Wide Web?

No Flag
Mary: This is your car, right?
Edna: Yes.
Mary: I notice you don’t have a flag.
Edna: Yeah, I don’t.
Mary: May I ask why you don’t have a flag?
Edna: Why I don’t have a flag?
Mary: Yes.
Edna: Why?
Mary: Yes, our nation is at war, we’re standing together, we’re united. People have flags.
Edna: I guess I just didn’t buy a flag.
Mary: But why? Why wouldn’t you buy a flag?
When everyone else is buying two flags, four flags?
Why wouldn’t you buy a single flag?
Edna: I don’t...
Mary: I’ll tell you what, Edna. You sound selfish.
Edna: Selfish?
Mary: You’re concerned about yourself, what you want, whether you want to buy a flag. This is not a time for self-centered people. This is a time for nation-centered people.
Edna: Nation-centered?
Mary: This is a time for people to stand together.
To be united. To be Americans.
Edna: I don’t feel selfish.
Mary: Selfish people never think they’re selfish.

Blessing
Your feet
are hands.
Your hands
are mouths.
Your mouth
is a mind.
Your mind
is a soul.