shift key

learning to pause

by Jason Stern, March 02, 2009

my shift key is broken. and my brightness adjustor is alternately fully brightening or fully dimming my screen. i am taking these broken computer functions as a personal reflection. the inability to capitalize represents the unfortunate limitation of the inability to give emphasis at the beginning, when it is most needed. or perhaps it is a reflection on the ability to produce money. the implications of bipolar luminosity are self-evident. now the question arises, what to do about these circumstances? first, buy a new computer. as pathetic as this may sound, considering the stupidity of pouring coffee into my laptop keyboard, it is probably necessary. but that is an obvious external. the internal approach is to heighten my sensitivity to the beginning and end of things; to sense when effort needs conserving, and when the fullness of effort is needed. in that sensing to allow the corresponding intelligence to inform and modulate output and activity. and to know when to be bright and when to lose radiance. so many process are overlapping and interpenetrating, and yet there are moments when all the outer movement comes to rest at once. these are the conscious moments of pausing. when i rest from all the activity, when a logical process comes to an end, and fully engage all the inner processes. i take the opportunity to pause now.

for the duration of a breath. inviting all the members back to the board of directors table. remembered. i am reminded of the dervish story about the man who is accused of lacking awareness because he does not differentiate a ripe melon. in the end his wiseacre accuser understands why.