Joined at the Other Hip

by Mikhail Horowitz, Nina Shengold, December 30, 2006

As editors of Chronogram's 2006 Literary Supplement, we invited readers to participate in a conservation-minded literary contest called "Joined at the Hip." In order to lighten overstuffed bookshelves everywhere, we proposed double-booking great works of literature by artfully merging their titles and storylines, e.g., Huckleberry Finnegan's Wake A plucky lad and an escaped slave fall asleep on a raft on the stream of consciousness. Clearly, the urge to purge excess books struck a chord. We received over 200 entries from throughout the Hudson Valley and as far afield as Mauritius. Two grand prize winners and 16 dishonorable mentions appeared in the November Literary Supplement. Now it can be told: Inveterate hipsters both, we could not resist entering our own contest. Each of us quickly saw through the other's pitiful noms de folie (Gertrude Botstein, my eye!), and the resulting works were summarily dumped in the Nepotism Bin until freed by the webmaster. Herewith, the editors' own conjoined bookshelf: Inherit the Wind in the Willows A mole, a rat, and a toad are brought to trial by weasels for daring to believe in evolution. Cyrano Exit Hell is other people, especially other people who are very touchy about their big schnozzolas and wax poetic as they skewer you. Brigadune Once every hundred years, the heathered hills o' Scotland turn into an arid planet that yields portentous prose. The Howl and the Pussycat The nightbird and the hepcat go to sea in a beautiful sea-green bop apocalypse. Shoeless Cujo If you build it, he will bite. The Wizard of Ozymandias "Round the decay of that colossal Emerald City, the road of yellow bricks stretched far away." Chicken Soup for the Soul on Ice A treasure trove of heartwarming advice for incarcerated Black Panthers. The Diary of Anais Pnin An obscure Russian academic falls into a menage a trois with June and Henry Miller. Martha Stewart Little Decorating tips for the miniature home. I Am Curious, George The Man in the Yellow Hat and some well-endowed Swedes spank the monkey. King Solomon's Mein Kampf Memoirs of the ultimate self-hating Jew. Watch this space for more literary vivisections by Horowitz & Shengold. Next up: "Our Holiday Mailbag."