The space you’re trying to hold open is emotional space, which is inner space. Your current project is not about your social standing, though it may feel that way. Nor is your life about getting what you deserve. So far as I can see, what you need is to hold open territory within your own feelings that has long been encroached by influences that have seemed beyond your control. To the extent that this is about something within you, that control means everything. Yet it would be incorrect to decide that this is about the world or whether you fit in. Rather, consider whether you give yourself space to be yourself, to feel what you feel and to express the many things you want to say. If you assign outward blame, you’ll miss the simple point that only you can give yourself permission to exist. If you can get the space where you say yes to yourself, you’re likely to see your options open up, and to have a far greater sensation of belonging in the world. As far as your associations with others are concerned, here is the essential piece: you must relate to those who have an inner life, which they are willing to share with you. Yet that will only have meaning proportional to the inner life you share with them. Intimacy is introspection that we share.