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How to Have Sex with an Amputee, or What To Do When All Limbs Cannot be Kept Inside the Ride 

for Jillian Weise

I. Foreplay

It doesn't matter which hand. Touch her neck. This will remind her that
she has a head. Inch across the collarbone. Squeeze the shoulder. Caress
the bicep. Switch to your lips. Careful not to tickle or startle the amputee.
Keep going. Do not stop at nothing—that is—when you reach the terminal
parts, tongue along a stream of air until you're out of the room.

II. Intercourse

Do not be offended by the silence. You should consider it spiritual. Pause.
Look the amputee in the eyes. Act like you know a secret. Remember: you
are inside, where it counts.

III. Afterwards

Once you dismount and reconnect with the air, your partner might continue
to writhe. Do not be alarmed. You can ask questions. She is not possessed
but visited by your phantom. Give her some space. Soon it will pass and then
you can rejoin your parts.

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