Your most intimate relationships are in transition, which means you're being called upon to be especially flexible and resilient. One particular idea comes under the microscope—that of "the perfect marriage." I believe there is such a thing, indeed I have evidence that there is. The perfection comes not from the static quality of the relationship but rather from its ability to grow, to change, and to transform with the people involved. There must be a mutual commitment to healing; mutual respect for each person's physical and psychic integrity. With that includes recognition of free choice in all matters, especially relating to the partnership itself. I recognize this violates most of the commonplace definitions and concepts of marriage, which seem to be focused around rigid concepts and presumption of ownership. That model is not going to survive the onslaught of the 21st century, and your life is too full and too rich to be constrained by any factor not of your choosing. Here is the challenge: when established structures change, there needs to be a new set of ideas and guidelines to replace them. Those are best if driven by what the people involved agree to as their bottom-line, most essential values. Any relationship between two people will either be based on a dominant-submissive model, or based on consensus. Consensus is based on mutual values. That is the starting point and that is the destination.
