It's easy to turn relationships into a religion. It's also easy to group with others based on a structured belief system. Having the two in the same place is a hazard to your growth. Intimate relationships do not need to be grounded in materialized form, in ideology, or in commitments that extend far into the unforeseeable future. If humanity is to proceed in a way that could vaguely be called progressive, enlightened, or honoring of human potential, relationships need to be a flexible meeting of individuals who support one another in getting to understand themselves. Please don't underestimate the extent to which relationships as we're taught to think of them are designed to undermine that very process. The problem you may face is that stepping into actual individuality is so daunting. The reasons for this go back as far as the first person who declared himself king, and demanded the loyalty of others; they extend into the present day, when most people fully expect to be punished for authenticity. I don't think that either of these are the real issue. For you, it's about diving into the unknown, and by that, I mean consciously entering the space within yourself where you actually don't know who you are, and where nothing can substitute. If you can embrace what you don't know about yourself, you may catch a glimpse of how much you have to discover, and what beauty the mere willingness to meet yourself would release into the world.