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To understand the nature of your inner struggle, consider your parents’ relationship to each other. It may serve as a useful map to your psyche. On what points did they get along? On what points did they conflict? Did they consider one another faithful, and what became of any incident wherein there was some breach of faith? What was their shared experience of sex? How were decisions about money made? Who ruled the roost, and how? Map out their experiences and you will have a tangible way of mapping out your inner reality. You may notice that in your day-to-day choices, you dramatize the harmony or conflict that they lived with, possibly for decades. And what if you don’t know about some of these dynamics between them? You may have an indication of missing knowledge of your inner territory. How would it feel to ask your parents about their most private matters? What subjects could you broach, and which would you avoid? What does that say about your willingness to explore your own motives? Any psychic or emotional exercise involving one’s parents may point to a missing parent, or a relationship that wasn’t really a relationship. This can provide as much information as direct facts; it always helps to be aware of what is missing. One thing is clear: one of your parents may have been deeply mistrustful and envious of the other. How does that dynamic play out in your inner life? How can you foster trust in yourself? This would be the key to your happiness.