Jupiter has taken up residence in Leo for the next year, which in our astrological microcosm is a real change of pace. Mars is now making its way through the last degrees of Libra; it will enter Scorpio next week and then form an exact square to Jupiter in early August. If Jupiter in Leo is about passionate expression of life, Mars in Scorpio joining forces with Jupiter is going to push that with a jolt.
I have a thick folder full of charts for July and August with asteroids and notes drawn all over them, and every time I look at them my mind goes back to the topic of self-esteem. The more I consider this range of topics, and the more people open up to me about their reality, the more obvious it becomes to me that underneath our political, social, and economic crises (they are all related) is the issue of self-esteem.
I'm even finding that this is relatively easy to explain—perhaps because people relate to the issue of not valuing themselves, and know that it has a way of taking over their lives. Yet one thing I am noticing is that lack of self-esteem takes so many forms that it's often difficult to identify. Many of them are so encrypted into the culture, they are sold to us as normal.
A great many others involve sexuality, which is sold to us as abnormal despite being the most normal thing in all of existence. In our society (and many others) sexuality is infused with guilt, to the point where most people cannot experience sexual expression without some infiltration of guilt, or a total seizure. This is a problem. One reason it's a problem is that in order to heal your self-esteem, your creativity, and your sense of existence, you will need to tap into your core creative energy, which is also your sexual energy.
I will offer a metaphor. Let's say you're driving or riding along in a car. The engine (of most cars anyway) is running on gasoline. In a human, this is the equivalent of vital force, which on the physical plane and a broad spectrum of other nearby planes of reality is the same thing as sexual energy, desire, and impulse—the core vitality that procreates, co-creates, and all-around creates the human experience.
When you turn on the CD player in the car, that is run by electricity. But the electricity making the music is created by a generating device that draws energy from the engine. If you turn on the headlights, same thing. If you turn on the wipers, same thing. If you charge your cell phone, same thing. In this way, all the nuances of that car are created from the same pool of energy at the core—the fuel running the engine, which burns and releases energy that can be used many different ways. If you cut off that core flow, then none of the peripherals work.
Humans work the same way. The cutting off usually comes in the form of judgment. When we misinterpret or misunderstand that core energy reaction as bad, as sinful, as sick or as troubled; when we deem it a bad thing and are ashamed of it, then we start to choke off our vital force.
I am aware of a few problems with applying my theory (which is not really my theory; I'm speaking for an old tradition), even if it happens to be valid. One is the reaction, "Are you saying that to address my self-esteem problem, I have to deal with my sexuality?" Yes, that is what I am saying; among other things, that will come up in the process.
Another is the hot mess that is sexual and relational reality in our era. We do not live in a moment where it seems vaguely appealing to experience or express a higher level of consciousness on these themes. We live in violent, angry times, which people are papering over with iPhone apps and bits of glitz and glam to help them feel better for a moment. A lot of that paper is money.
Once you peel off those layers, it's necessary to address the shadow side of sexuality. It's difficult to write a convincing marketing pitch for that, but I'll give it a sentence or two. Unprocessed shadow—guilt, shame, sexual injury, any form of secrecy connected to intimacy, the feeling of having skeletons in the closet, and many other forms of the stuff—all consume creative energy. Remember that plenty of our shadow material, maybe most of it, comes from our ancestors, in particular our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents—not necessarily some wanderer in the Egyptian desert, but someone we've actually met.
Many people realize that the core of their pain and misery involves a sexual injury. Some suspect it, and the suspicion comes and goes; it fades in and out, but it keeps coming back. However, there is not a wide variety of options where to go for help. And among those options, very few of them connect the different planes of reality—for example, emotional, mental, physical, creative, and psychic.
I can give you an example of how this works in the most positive way. By now, everyone has heard of gay. Imagine someone is gay, which is their sexual orientation, but refuses to admit it or do something about it. How happy will they really be? The solution is to come out, which we all know means to be real about one's sexuality. That is good for self-esteem and for everything else. What I am saying is that coming out is essential to resolving self-esteem issues.
Yet we live with this strange pressure coming from somewhere—the pressure to be a puritan. I don't see anyone walking around in those old-fashioned hats with black coats and huge buckles. But loads of people feel the pressure to be, or to act like, puritans. I can tell you exactly what this pressure is—it's denial. Part of addressing denial means seeking assistance if you are struggling.
I don't have the answer for where to go if you want to get help. I can tell you that there are people who are capable of helping and willing to do so, though you have to network your way to them, or follow the synchronicity pattern, with clear intent.
Yet the first thing you need to do is be honest with yourself. The second thing you need to do is find a few people with whom you can be open. Not just one person, though one is a start. You would have to go past any trust issues, fear of judgment, or personal shame and actually open up about how you feel. This is true whether there is a specific incident you can point to, or whether you're addressing a sensation that is lurking below the surface of your personality.
Healthy expression of, and values around, body and sexuality are core elements of self-esteem. If you're trying to figure out where you stand with yourself, I have a few more ideas. I've said that lack of self-esteem takes many forms that are difficult to see. If we can see those forms, then it's possible to do something about them. This is a key to deducing whether what you're experiencing involves self-esteem. With each of these concepts I will include what I think is an appropriate response.
Telling yourself and others that you're stupid. It blows my mind how often I hear someone tell me how stupid they are. Even if someone doesn't know something, or cannot figure something out, self-affirming one's own supposed stupidity is not going to help. It's actually possible to take the posture "I don't know, and I'm going to figure it out, and if I cannot, I will find someone who knows."
Lack of forethought. Do you plunge into things with no real concept of what is motivating you? Do you think through the potential consequences of your choices; for example, getting drunk in an abandoned factory with people you don't know, getting married on the spur of the moment, putting a lot of money into an investment you have not carefully evaluated, or getting a serious operation without second and third opinions from other doctors? Forethought is an important element of self-esteem, and you will feel better about yourself if you carefully consider the implications of your choices.
Unwillingness to help yourself. Many people suffer in silence and at the same time are consciously unwilling to help themselves, which often means refusing to seek help from others. There are many excuses—"I don't trust therapists" or "Nobody will believe me," or "It's not that important anyway." If you want to pluck up some self-esteem, make a choice to get help, stick to it for a while, and see what happens.
Deciding in advance something will fail. Many people want to do new things but decide in advance that they will fail. They might even have an experience of failure that seemingly proves the point. Two points here: You don't know if something will succeed unless you've tried it a few times. Also, anything that establishes itself in the world is the result of sustained, focused effort. The most successful people have "failed" a good few times. You might take on the motto "Nothing attempted, nothing gained," or my favorite, "If you're not fucking up, you're not doing it right."
Obsession with trivia. What do you think about? What do you consciously not think about? Do you avoid important topics because they are too difficult or don't seem to be fun? Do you emphasize petty issues, gossip, the price of things, and judgments about others? No guarantees, but you might find it satisfying to think about important, deep issues; people write books about them, many of which are deeply engaging and which will help you open your mind. If you find reading difficult, go slowly, and look up all the words you don't know, one at a time. Using a dictionary is one of the secret keys to self-esteem.
Narcissism and pretension. Do you find yourself counting the ways you're better than others, or more sophisticated than they are? This is a sure sign of insecurity, and it's also a really great way to feel horrible about yourself. If you decide you want to do something else, you have a lot of options, such as asking people about themselves. Once you hear a person's story (the equivalent of walking a mile in their moccasins), you may decide they are your equal.
Deciding for other people that they don't like you. You know that thing where people insist that everyone hates or disrespects them? Or that if they have a problem, that nobody will care? This is both evidence of low self-respect and also stokes it. Why decide how others feel about you? Why not let them demonstrate their feelings? Anyway, it's unlikely that people think about you as much as you think about you. You're unlikely to get much bandwidth unless you give someone a reason to focus on you.
Insisting that others be as shut down as you are. Does it make you nervous when others express vitality, talent, or creativity? The answer is not to make anyone feel they must be less than you, or to undermine their opportunities by interfering. The more supportive you are of others, the better you will feel about yourself—and the more you will learn from them about how to be expressive. This is especially true when it comes to sex—you have the choice to insist that others shut down, or to support them, or to live and let live. You might say this is the ultimate measure—and expression—of self-esteem.
In all of these things, there is more choice than you may think.
