Esteemed Reader

by Jason Stern, September 25, 2009

Esteemed Reader of Our Magazine:

I cornered my wife the other evening to complain about someone we both know. I dissected the person’s psychology and laid out a compelling case for why he is ignorant, selfish, and manipulative. She listened, and to her credit, did not react. She simply said, “I hear you saying a lot of things about his traits, but I don’t hear you saying anything about your own confused and angry feelings about them.”

In that moment, I saw that I was mentally tearing the person to pieces before I would acknowledge my own reactions. Seeing this, I could admit that I was angry. What a relief! Better still, I could admit that I possess (or am possessed by) those same manipulative qualities I was complaining about a few moments earlier. For that moment, I was a little more free.

Almost every introspective tradition from Vedanta to psychology says the same thing: Other people are a reflection, a mirror for us. From the heights of joy and inspiration to the depths of despair and rage that they evoke, we are given the chance not simply to ride the up and down roller coaster, but to gain self-knowledge by observing and remembering ourselves in the process.

“My life is a reflection of my being” is easy to say and believe, but employing and understanding this, in the moment, is, as the Katha Upanishad reads, “A hard path—the sharp edge of a razor.” Seeing others as our mirror is itself the means of transforming an inner life from a pit of righteousness to a chamber of harmonic resonance.

Today I was talking with a friend who shared some news about success in an artistic endeavor. I found myself inspired by his story, and the sound he made in describing it. I felt the creative impulse he described present in myself also, with a similar yearning for expression. Because I was available to resonate with him, the quality of my state was improved, and I re-membered a part of myself that had been on holiday.