Beinhart’s Body Politic: July 2011

The Last Weiner You'll Ever Need

by Larry Beinhart, June 27, 2011

Once again it has been rubbed in our face,
a political penis escaped from its place
a scandal, an outrage, an erectile disgrace,
this tale of a penis caught off its base.

It’s happened again, as it happened before,
a wandering penis off in search of some more.
The pundits swarm out in their pack to deplore
the politician caught while trying to score.

Clinton was my favorite I must confess,
Monica’s knee pads and the stain on her dress.
John Ensign so moral and so very pro-life,
paid his aide very well for the use of his wife.
Larry Craig taught us all an obscure Midwest dance,
the one whose first step is called a wide stance.
Mark Sanford cried tears after he’d seen her,
that was his soul mate down in Argentina.
Chris Lee trolled topless in the maze of craigslist,
and now he’s gone, but not at all missed.
John Edwards had a sordid and tragic affair,
a videographer fell in love with his hair.
Eliot Spitzer paid more than we knew a man could,
is it possible there’s a hooker that could be that good?
Eric Massa did something very hard to believe,
tickled a staffer “till he couldn’t breathe.”
Then to make sure his train was truly a wreck,
he went and explained it out loud on Glenn Beck.
Mark Foley’s fame will roll down through the ages
as the first man to be caught sexting his pages.
David Vitter represents Southern tradition,
going with hookers, then showing contrition.
Clarence Thomas deserves his very own joke,
for placing a pubic hair on the can of a Coke.

Is it the fault of the liberals, the hippies, the Jews?
repression, recession, the fault of the news?
Could we have avoided all of these dreadful disasters,
if we listened to our priests and heeded our pastors?
That sounds oh, very right, but perhaps it even worse is
as pedophiles so often make their perches in churches.
and powerful preachers have so very often lost their ways
in those closets of clothes that are kept by the gays.
The strict teaching of religion, to everyone’s great sorrow
didn’t work yesterday and it won’t work tomorrow.