I suggest you investigate the ways you may be blocking people from participating in your life. I'll give a few potential example. One might be alcohol. This is a substance that starts off social and has a way of ending up isolating people. Another is a sense of inferiority or not being able to stand up to the perceived power or authority of others. Another is not being able to state your needs, or feeling like for some reason you cannot do so. This, in turn, may involve suppressed anger or a self-esteem struggle. Usually we think that expressing anger or refraining from "bothering" others with our needs is enhancing contact. Yet I think that an authentic exchange on the level of necessity is much better for enhancing contact. Honesty has a benefit all its own—it's the substance of intimacy. If you state an honest need or desire and notice how someone responds, you find out where you stand with them, which is information that will benefit you. I suggest you notice yourself thinking that you would rather not know where you stand with someone, which could fall under the general heading of denial. There is a way out of insecurity, emotional struggle and what is commonly called lack of self-esteem—and that begins with acknowledging what is so. When you do that, you can open up to a whole new level of contact. As someone once wrote, "Only the truth is erotic."
