You are right in that zone where self-respect and respect for authority merge into the same thing. You have wanted and indeed needed to level the playing field of life for a long time; to experience some sense of your own presence with other talented people on a peer-to-peer level. What you are learning is that the human property that facilitates that experience comes from you. It's your recognition of your own gifts and your own potential that allows you to recognize the talent and leadership of others as something inherently human rather than mythical or supernatural. If you perceive authority as a leadership quality, as aptitude and as a hard-won achievement, you will be more inclined to be its student and to crave cultivating those same qualities in yourself. What you're about to experience is an opportunity to dismantle and understand the familial experiences that led you in the other direction—to mystify those who seemed powerful; to distance yourself from them; to feel anything but equal. As you identify and discard various internalized structures, especially the authority structures of your family, you will free up energy, time and space. That will come in handy as you discover not only talents but also a profound desire to make your contribution to society.