What’s Your (Pluto) Sign? | Monthly Forecast | Hudson Valley | Chronogram Magazine

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Pluto in Libra (1971-82), sometimes called Gen X, is deeply concerned with fairness, equality, and justice, which usually means getting married and going to enough weddings to open a secondhand dress shop with their diversity of unusually colored wedding party outfits. The men finally broke down and bought a tux, or considered it seriously. Men and women are equal. Gays and straights are equal. Willing to take a backseat in the relationship because "I will make this relationship work!" Everyone has the right and responsibility to get married. This is the new civil rights movement. Meanwhile, Roe v. Wade is being washed out from under their feet, birth control is about to become illegal, feminism exists only in certain classes on college campuses, and Guantanamo Bay is still in business, but that's all okay as long as everyone has the right to get married—unless that means getting married to more than one person. Obsessed with perfect looks, they have never been seen with a zit, and will spend hours getting ready to go out; but it's not for anyone else—it's "just for me." Females have never left the house without a bra plus three extra layers on. The men make excellent single dads but their daughters will all be hell on wheels.

Pluto in Scorpio (1982-95), sometimes called the Millennials, does not believe in privacy. There's no such thing. Nothing is taboo. Lady Gaga is their hero, and they're the only ones who understand her. They cannot be more than five minutes away from social networking, and cannot do anything without their parents knowing about it. They are comforted that mom follows their every Tweet. Will take a lower-paying job with a longer commute that allows them to check Facebook, which for them is a verb. Everything must be interactive. Not afraid of ghosts. Older members of this generation used to practice telepathy in school, till texting came along. They used to have sex, till sexting came along. Aware of the deeper, darker side of human nature, they are convinced that the world is evil, so there's no point doing anything about it. Everything is fucked. The government is fucked. The corporations are fucked. The environment is fucked. Everyone is going to get cancer, so who cares what we do or what we eat. Sex has three settings—the purity ring, hooking up, and total commitment, which they think is stupid because sex is natural and everyone is really bisexual. But sex can also kill you, so it's better to talk about it than to actually do it. Did not go to prom; went to purity ball instead, escorted by their Pluto in Virgo father.

Pluto in Sagittarius (1995-2008) cannot spend more than 90 seconds away from social media. These kids are okay with everything, because that's how the world is—there's a lot of everything so you may as well be okay with it. There's always a reason to be optimistic and that alone can get things done. We all live in one world so we should all be able to get along, and we can change the world if we want to. They know that if you believe something, that makes it true. Everything is already spiritual so who needs religion? Expect these children to want to do middle school in Santiago or Fiji. They are the ones being trained for jobs that don't exist yet, which may involve working alongside extraterrestrials, for which they are perfectly suited. 

Toddlers with Pluto in Capricorn (2008-23) are already planning how to undermine the structure of your household, the neighborhood association, and the local municipal government, so keep all your bank records, checkbooks, etc., under lock and key, and carry the key with you at all times. For your own safety, don't keep your money in a TARP bailout bank. Block them from reading news websites; they won't care about porno. Don't reveal any sensitive information. Expect a call from the daycare that they started a campaign to get the director fired. Forget about toy trucks; start saving up for a real bulldozer, excavator, or, maybe a wrecking ball. They will be old enough to drive and operate heavy equipment by the time they're seven. They will make their fortunes mining abandoned 20th-century garbage dumps.

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