What’s Your (Pluto) Sign? | Monthly Forecast | Hudson Valley | Chronogram Magazine

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Future children with Pluto in Aquarius (2023-43) will be the first generation of humans who are fully network compatible. Genetically modified to have nanotechnology in their blood from birth, none of these children will be conceived sexually; they will be generated in fetus farms to custom specifications. Born with an IP address rather than a Social Security number, they will give new meaning to the phrase "I'm a Mac." It will be deeply disappointing when they are finally "born" only to discover that they no longer have any rights—except to marry a cyborg, which was generously guaranteed for them decades earlier by the Pluto in Libra generation. Ultimately, however, they will be against computers and revolt against their origins, and their motto will be "Opt out, log off, shut down." This is going to piss off their parents no end, who by that point will be waging a pointless cyber-war against some developing country that has banned Facebook and refuses to join the global effort to stop climate change. 

Future children with Pluto in Pisces (2043-66) will be the first generation indistinguishable from God. They are the children of God, one with God, part of God, and God is part of them. God is sex. They will recite nursery rhymes about quantum field theory and take field trips in black holes. These children will exist simultaneously on several dimensions, and don't need babysitters because they're one with God. Whereas children of previous generations had lemonade stands, some of these children will form successful cults by the time they're 11 years old. War will be banned in their lifetimes.

Future children with Pluto in Aries (2066-95) will give new meaning to the term Me Generation, winning the legal right to marry themselves. They will be the second-most narcissistic generation in the history of humanity, deeply envious of their great-great-great-grandparents. Old books by Wayne Dyer and Werner Erhard will sell for $5,000 (not inflation adjusted). They will wage a civil rights movement for the right to fight in wars, repealing the ban passed by their Pluto in Pisces predecessors. This will be the time of the Second Coming of Heracles and the reincarnation of Patton. They will become despondent and require years of therapy when they discover that the Pluto in Leo generation they admire so greatly was against war, and even managed to stop one.

Future children with Pluto in Taurus (2095-27) will be the ones who stubbornly survive and repopulate the Earth after Pluto in Aries has come through. Sex ban will be repealed. Language will disappear.

Future children with Pluto in Gemini (2127-57) will reinvent language based on words originally known only to one pair of twins. They will go on to reinvent psychotherapy, following in the footsteps of their Pluto in Gemini forebears.

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