A Poem: Generic eBook Warning | Poetry | Hudson Valley | Hudson Valley; Chronogram
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A Poem: Generic eBook Warning 

One a day
Use as directed
For external use only
Warning: may cause drowsiness, dry mouth, fatigue, dizziness, lightheadedness, and blurred vision. If constipation occurs, discontinue use. If any of these effects persist or worsen, tough crap. Tell you doctor immediately if any of these unlikely, though extremely possible (or we wouldn’t mention them) serious side effects occur: mental/mood changes (e.g., confusion, hallucinations), difficulty urinating, fast/pounding/irregular heartbeat, fainting (but please call our publisher and tell us on what page—so we can put more of this in), yellowing of the eyes/skin, stomach/abdominal pain, persistent nausea/vomiting/lack of appetite, dark urine, seizures, loss of coordination. If serious allergic reaction occurs, seek immediate medical attention, and don’t write any book reviews for 90 days. Symptoms include: rash, itching, crabs crawling all over your body (God forbid!), severe dizziness, and trouble breathing. If you encounter suicidal ideation, consult your doctor immediately. If you kill yourself, don’t blame us, we warned you. Do not operate heavy machinery while using. Talk to your pharmacist for more details, especially if she is attractive and you are a guy who hasn’t left the house in a few years, but keep it short.
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