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First Impression 


I never strongly considered being a father. Kids are wonderful, of course, but during my 20s, I didn’t really think much about having my own. First there was college to think about, then a recording studio, then a few independent films, then a business, websites, world travel. The list goes on and on, full of one thrilling life experience after the next. Children were not on my short list. Not by a long shot.

It wasn’t until meeting a fabulous woman, who is truly a mother in every way, and upon finding myself deeply in love with her, that I first started to think about children of my own. Even then it was with caveats and prerequisites. Gotta have the house, the successful business, a car (better make it two), a dog, world peace, and on and on before it would feel ok to bring a little half-me to the top of my short list.

Friends have pronounced me to be a “typical guy” in these respects. If this is true, please allow me to assist and inform the rest of you typical guys now: Pregnancy, birth, and children are in no way typical! Kids are extraordinary, magical, ego-arresting beings who will help you to finally answer that burning question about your purpose in life. You won’t have to worry about that one after spending the first day with your fresh little son or daughter.

Our daughter, Clara Grace Kaposhilin, was born on April 19, 2010 at 10:36pm. These first few weeks have been, without reservation, the happiest and most fulfilling of my entire life. Suddenly my personal needs seem less demanding, less distracting. I feel present, in the moment—to a smile, a cry, a poop. And straight up, whether it is from endorphins, an increased awareness of parental responsibility, or something far more divine, I am experiencing a significant increase in inspiration, clarity, and confidence on a daily basis since the birth of our daughter. For instance, I always wanted to write. Now I do!

I am in love! And not with just one girl but two...and one gave birth to the other! No offense typical guy, no doubt you love and respect your female partner now, but until the day that you participate in the profound sacrament of birth with her, you literally have not seen what your woman is capable of!

Even you, typical guy, could not help but emerge a changed and vastly improved human being upon witnessing the miracle that is the birth of your child. If you are already a dad, you are nodding your head in agreement. However, if you are a typical guy, who perhaps still sees fatherhood primarily as a loss of personal freedom and who does not yet appreciate how meaningful and magnificently life changing pregnancy, birth, and child-raising can be, I say to you sir, with only these first few weeks of wisdom under my belt, that you have not yet fully lived!

Fatherhood is a massive upgrade, it is life 2.0! There is no instruction manual and no return policy and although I now possess infinitely more responsibility than ever before, somehow I have retained only a portion of my self-doubt. Fatherhood is awesome! My long list of fatherly duties is so much more fulfilling than my short list of youthful adventures ever was!

Like a typical guy, I thought that I wanted to be a guy forever. Now that I am a father, I finally feel like a man.

click to enlarge Kale Kaposhilin and his daughter, Clara Grace.
  • Kale Kaposhilin and his daughter, Clara Grace.

Speaking of Fathers, Fatherhood

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