Poem: Would I Want to If... | Poetry | Hudson Valley | Chronogram Magazine
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Poem: Would I Want to If... 

What if we didn’t surround ourselves with friends who are childless mostly by choice
Is it correlation or causation, the chicken or the egg

What if children were still a woman’s only choice
What if the freedom of our lives didn’t feel so hard fought

What if we regretted our lack of progeny
What if we didn’t

What if my mom never asked in that voice tinged with sadness and a pleading breath
What if we never had the urge to defend ourselves as if we weren’t a family already

What if life looked like less of an adventure
What if we didn’t both feel like kids still ourselves

What if the sound of a toddler crying at the coffee shop didn’t fill me with impatience
What if it did make me want a screaming miniature cut from my own DNA

What if my job felt less fulfilling
What if his didn’t eat up all his time

What if I didn’t have four year fresh daddy issues coloring my memories of childhood
What if the mountains didn’t beckon randomly, dirty feet and foggy pines

What if there was a hole we felt compelled to fill to save us from each other and ourselves
What if science didn’t override instinct for seventeen years, synthetic hormones, and a tiny pink and green calendar

What if we were content to stay in one place
What if we met when we were older or younger or more desperate

Would I want to if?
I wonder less than I used to
But still ...when I wake at 2am

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