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Quarter to Three: Larger Head 


Dear Marco,
Edward Steichen (the photographer) had a studio on East 63rd Street (in the 1920s). He would drive his car into the elevator and out into his office, on the third floor. “Solves the parking problem,” he explained to friends. Also he was the first (1936) and apparently only gardener to have his

flowers given a show at the Museum of Modern Art.
(From the New Yorker, January 5, 1998.)
Today I was walking on Tremper Mountain, and a crow flew over me. “Gadap, gadap,” he cried.

Rain samba,
Sparrow

A Prediction
In the last 6 James Bond movies
Bond will be female.

American Sonnet
Most Americans do not have time to read sonnets. If confronted with one, they will read the first line, skim the rest, and move on. I have now invented American Sonnets, based on the poems of Shakespeare. (This is part of a series entitled “Convenience Poetry,” which applies the principles of fast food to literature.) In my sonnets, I simply repeat the first line 14 times. These poems are digestible in a moment, and also have a pleasant, uniform look—like aluminum siding.

18
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

Karoke Magazine
Karaoke, of course, is the art of singing famous songs to a background track that supplies the lyrics. I am launching a new magazine that is the literary equivalent of karaoke. People will write out famous poems in their own handwriting, occasionally forgetting or adding a word. Like karaoke, this is a democratic event—anyone with hands can participate.

Please send submissions to: Karaoke Magazine c/o Quarter To Three, Chronogram, Post Office Box 459, New Paltz, NY 12561, or e-mail info@chronogram.com.

Bending Poem
This poem
is meant
to bend.

Lift the
page and
bend this poem.

Journal entry (4/3/04)
Today I noticed, for the first time, how similar flossing teeth is to playing the violin. It is the same movement—a bowing gesture.

In Brooklyn, waiting for the F train, a woman asks her friend: “Why do the Girl Scouts suck so much more than the Boy Scouts?”

A Word I Saw In A Dream
balimochsly

Harvard-Yale
Seth: I’m going to Harvard-Yale in September.

Mary: What’s that?

Seth: It’s a new program where you attend Harvard and Yale. I will commute between New Haven and Cambridge.

Mary: What will you study?

Seth: Latin-Economics.

Definition
Grandgodfather—the father of your godfather

Rage Cake
“Plump” 1/2 Cup raisins. (Soak in water overnight.) Then smash with a mallet. Add 1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour. Knead furiously. Add 1 Tsp. baking soda, 1/3 Tsp salt. Stir with a stick, while cursing. Pour into a cake pan, and bake at 400 degrees for 25 minutes. Serve to an enemy.

A Joke
Betty: I went to London and lost 22 pounds.

Arthur: How?

Betty: I left them in a taxicab.

Note: Pounds are English money.

Contest Update
We have a winner of the Elevator Handcuffs Contest (in which, as alert viewers will recall, the goal was to write a riddle)! Susan Banki, of prestigious Tufts University, submitted:

Q: Why do men chase women?

A: Because they need the exercise.

Larger Head
At night, while we sleep, our heads grow
.4 centimeters larger, scientists say.

Speaking of Funny, riddles

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