Be mindful of your tendency to expect disaster in matters of the heart. Nothing else would serve to create that more dependably than negative expectations. This works differently than superstition or ordinary paranoia. For example, the fear that your house might burn down is not particularly incendiary. You can check your extension cords, the stove and candles. But similar fears projected onto a relationship can have a profound effect on the emotional dynamic. Your fear will tend to increase as passion, interest and vulnerability become more real to you. This is a situation calling for mindfulness, and for honesty. Yet the one thing that is not called for is control, which will only stoke your fears. And nihilism—expectation that all is for naught, so what’s the point anyway—is a form of attempted control (mainly, of your own emotions). Your fear level will drop as you set yourself free to have the experience. If someone in your life means a lot to you, be willing to go where the situation takes you. Be willing to share yourself in a way that’s more generous than you might ordinarily, and by share, I mean generosity without expectation. Withholding is yet another form of attempted control that will serve only to strip you of your influence. I would remind you of this: we tend to love who and what we take care of. When you subtract that from the equation, you’re trying to limit your own vulnerability, which is like trying to have sex in a Tyvek suit.
