Eliza’s mom knew that resistance and self-doubt was coming up now and then for the girls, “but we all decided to keep moving forward, because we had a sense it was going to be really important—and it was. They were developing a higher consciousness so they could walk into the world at large with awareness rather than just getting caught in the glitter.”
Besides outings, the girls each met regularly for a year with a mentor, or “auntie,” with whom they learned about a specific topic or skill of each girl's choice. Topics included photography, horseback riding, interpersonal dynamics, and others. Part of their rites of passage was giving a public presentation about their learnings. Lily Bergstein mentored with Jerilyn Brownstein to explore the realm of dreaming. “She is such cool woman, and we are still good friends to this day,” says Lily. “We would meet every week for a solid year, go on walks, talk about dreaming. At our rites of passage I wrote this long speech about dreaming in two ways—literally, like making your dreams come true, and listening to your dreams in your sleep.” Lily values how much the girls’ instructors, Purvis and McTear, were remarkable mentors as well. “We got really close to them, and I felt like I could trust them so much. I learned how to make a close bond of friendship.” She also learned how to deal with disagreements. “The girls had their bickerings and fights, but we would mediate them with Hilton and Amy, so I leaned some really good skills.”
Rites of Passage
Same-gender gatherings and wisdom sharing are ancient and widespread features of human societies, with rites-of-passage ceremonies a common feature. While macabre and dangerous ceremonies may come to mind, a rite of passage is simply a prescribed challenge and honoring of young people as they cross the threshold into adulthood. For the girls, the rites of passage ceremony was their last weekend of the program, and included keeping a fire going alone all night in the woods.
Lily, who loves being outdoors, recalls, “After I did this 15-hour solo, I felt I had such a strong connection with the Earth. You’re with the whole entire Earth, not just yourself. It does get spiritual—it’s almost like the Earth tucked me under, and as I rested, it would let me know every now and then when my fire was going out. When I go outdoors my spirit feels so young, and Grandmother Earth is so old.”
That same weekend each of the girls’ fathers read a letter, aloud to the girls and others gathered in their honor, about the gifts his daughter brings to the world. To further acknowledge the girls’ emerging into adulthood, a ceremony symbolized the weaving of a supportive web among the girls and women, to replace the single maternal cord, which had been symbolically cut at the very first meeting.
Rites of passage are remarkably powerful, says McTear, especially when it takes people a bit out of their comfort zone. “I’m not of the mind to force people into it—I believe in people coming to it with free choice. But if we don’t push past our level of comfort, we don’t know how unlimited we are. Even though some of their girls had been having feelings of panic and anxiety that they couldn’t do it, they were glad they followed through.”
Linking Generations
Lily is now continuing her outdoors adventures in White Tail Trekking, a backpacking program offered through Wild Earth Wilderness School that has a strong mentoring presence from instructors in their twenties and others in their fifties. “I am very into women being able to do just as many things as men. We’re learning so many skills. So far we’ve done two sessions of camping for two nights each. On one trip we went through five streams in two miles, in the snow, and just as the sun was setting we went into survival mode to set up camp and stay warm. On the other trip we slept in a yurt on the Appalachian Trail, where it was very toasty inside.”
The program coordinator for White Tail Trekking is Amy Little (whose daughter, Sarah, was among the rites-of-passage girls). Little extols the value of mentoring and nature combined. “In nature, the girls can really experience aliveness and take some risks that build their confidence. There is this edge they can go to, where the elements are very raw. All teenagers take risky behaviors, and being able to challenge themselves in the environment is really an amazing thing. So when the pressures of popular culture are out there, the girls are much more equipped to be strong and self-confident.”
