Freedom from Digital Dependency
The alcoholic can go cold turkey from drinking, but in our tech-fueled culture, flushing your phone or computer down the toilet is not an option. So what can we do to break digital addiction? "We recommend that people use a cognitive behavioral model," says Kostin, referring to the widely applied therapy that aims to help people change their behaviors and develop coping strategies to solve problems. "Rather than an extinguishment or abstinence model, this is a harm-reduction model. It's very goal-oriented and gives you a schedule or a program that you can stick to." To begin, limit your recreational screen time to only a certain number of minutes per day, setting a timer to keep yourself in check. Turn off the notifications that might lure you back online. Kostin also recommends darkening your screen brightness or using the night-shift setting on your phone, even in the daytime. Then you won't be as susceptible to the bright colors and graphics that vie for your attention.Using a similar approach, Grace has created a few rules to live by. She has experimented with setting strict digital hours (no Internet or phone between 10 pm and 10 am), and she has deleted all social media apps from her phone ("Let Facebook be the one social media thing you just do on your damn computer," she advises). She also recommends choosing a specific time of day, say 1 p.m., to give yourself the luxury of scrolling the social-media feed on your computer for a limited time—say, 20 minutes. Sleeping with your phone in a different room is essential: "If it's next to my bed I will look at it for an hour in the morning, minimum," says Grace.
You can also try a phone box, which appeals to creative types and lovers of beauty. Start with a box that fits your phone, whether it's a simple cardboard or wooden box, and make it beautiful by painting or collaging it. Create a practice of putting your phone in the box (turned off or silent) and leaving it there for a while. The point is to be without your phone for a stretch of time just beyond your comfort zone—say, two to three hours. Grace explains that the box is meant to be a temple—not so much for your phone as for your spirit. "It's not about punishing yourself. It's not, 'I'm so addicted that I need to have a phone box.' It's more like, 'I love myself so much that I am doing this.'" Putting away your phone is a way of showing up more, both for yourself and for the people in your life.
In Praise of Social Media Diets
Social media presents a paradox: On the surface, it connects us and helps us share our lives, yet in large doses it can lead to a sense of disconnection and even isolation. In a 2018 study out of the University of Pennsylvania, "No More FOMO: Limiting Social Media Decreases Loneliness and Depression," college students who restricted their time on social media to 30 minutes a day showed significant reductions in loneliness and depression compared to a control group. Prior to the study, the students spent on average twice as long on social media, with some spending up to 2.5 hours a day on the platforms. But those who followed the social media diet of 30 minutes a day (10 minutes per platform on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat) scored lower on the UCLA Loneliness Scale and the Beck Depression Inventory after three weeks.The study's lead author, UPenn psychologist Melissa G. Hunt, can't say for sure why limiting social media helps counter loneliness and depression, but she has some hypotheses. "We know that using social media leads to social comparison," she says. "You compare your life to the glossy, curated highlights reel you see in other people's pages, and it makes you feel worse about your own life. When you spend less time on social media, you spend more time engaging in activities that enhance self-worth, like getting your work done, and that foster authentic, intimate relationships, like having dinner with a friend." Hunt also cautions against social media's superficial emphasis on sharing "good" things and glossing over the negatives. "It gives the illusion of connection without real emotional vulnerability or support."