Have you ever heard someone say they don't want to go to an astrologer or a therapist because they might find out something about themselves they don't want to know? Please don't let that be you. No matter how much you may have to discover about yourself, you have nothing to fear in those discoveries. If you resist potential self-awareness, though, that's likely to have the effect of echoing around your mind and seeming "worse" than it is. I suggest you go right for clear information as soon as you have a question, and then make sure you persist and work through three or four layers of inquiry before you pause. The idea here is not to go through the motions, but rather to bravely seek self-understanding. If you do that with sincerity and an open mind, you will learn something about yourself and about existence that you're unlikely to ever forget. This is likely to be something that you already knew but went to some length to deny, for reasons that you might not want to know. In other words, part of the story is why you might have denied this thing that you're discovering or rediscovering. By "why," I mean your actual motives for doing so, since this doesn't seem to be mere happenstance. There is intent at work on every level, and that's the thing to track: what is driving the story in any particular direction that it might go, and what is driving you to go any direction you might go.