Off the Hook

Freeing Oneself from Nonverbal Snares

by Blair Glaser, December 21, 2007

Although you may work in a very respectable profession, it is also likely that at some point you have been a hooker. No, no, not in the street-walking sense, but on the energetic and emotional plane. “Hooking” is a phenomenon in which a line of energy is cast from one person into another person’s space where, like a fishhook, it attaches firmly into the solar plexus and/or other energy centers of the body. When someone hooks you, it feels like a tug in your center or on your entire being. Sometimes being hooked feels nice, such as when someone is charming the pants off of you. Other times it feels awful, such as when someone lays a guilt trip on you. And when you seduce, guilt trip, or otherwise manipulate others, you become the hooker.
Some people hook others intentionally, but it mostly occurs with little or no awareness. Hooking, at its worst, is initiated from insecurity or neediness, and plugs right into those same aspects of others. Very insecure people who are skilled at hooking will instinctively sense another’s weaknesses, find the “holes” in another’s aura (energetic field), and attempt to “latch on” in order to boost their self-esteem. Competitive people can hook with a piercing glance or remark that deflates the hookee and evokes a state of insecurity and self-doubt. Think of the cinematic portrayals of a powerful older matron putting an ingénue “in her place” (recent example: The Meryl Streep/Anne Hathaway relationship in The Devil Wears Prada). Beauty magazines and advertisements often hook us by preying on our diminished sense of self.

Here are some examples of hooking scenarios and the effects they can have:

Hooked with Guilt A young man brings his girlfriend home for a holiday. He reveals that they won’t be staying overnight as they have a plane to catch; he is taking her away for the weekend. His mother, who was expecting otherwise, implies that without the son’s presence, his ailing father and nephews will suffer. Despite feeling guilty, the couple leaves as planned—but bicker the entire time, in the aftermath of the hooking.

Hooked with Enchantment At an empowerment retreat, several distinguished and married women are mysteriously transformed into panting puppies around the charismatic leader. The leader had hooked them by adorning each one with personal attention, penetrating them with his insights, and creating a feeling of intimacy.

Hooked by Jealousy/Competition A junior executive presents an idea to the board and it is very well received. The executive’s boss offers congratulations, but, considering the firm’s recent budgetary limitations, sympathetically adds, “Ugh, the timing—you know it’s not going anywhere, right?” The junior executive resumes the day with a gnawing feeling of failure.

Hooked through Sexual Energy A woman walks into a bar, scans the crowd, zeroes in on a target, and moves toward him. She gazes seductively, smiles briefly, and orders a drink. As if on cue, he offers to pay for it. They eventually go home together. Three weeks later, he moves in with her.