Going for the Win-Win

Resolving Disputes through Mediation

by Lorrie Klosterman and illustrations by Annie Internicola, November 01, 2010

Somewhere along life’s trajectory—say, toddlerhood?—the fields of interpersonal conflict begin to accumulate fertilizer. Sure, differences of opinion signify healthy individuality. But chances are everyone has experienced an argument as tenacious and devastating as kudzu in a corn field. A good part of the problem is that we generally are not taught how to navigate conflict very well, if at all.

“Many of us didn’t experience healthy disagreement resolution in our younger years,” observes Roz Magidson, executive director for the Dispute Resolution Center (DRC), a nonprofit agency serving Orange, Putnam, Sullivan, and Ulster Counties. “We may have been from a strict, obey-your-parents background and were taught not to speak as a child. As a woman, we may have been taught we cannot challenge men.”

Magidson was a shy child who disliked dispute, though as the middle child she fell into the role of family mediator. When she later studied conflict resolution, Magidson “came away with a very changed notion about conflict. It doesn’t scare me anymore,” she says. “When I feel a sense of conflict I switch gears, and instead of feeling uncomfortable, I recognize that somebody’s needs are not getting met, or they’re hurting, or misinformed, or left out of the loop—and I see that as an opportunity. That is the most powerful thing I have learned in my life journey.”

Magidson and a host of DRC staff and volunteers are available to help turn disputes into solutions. Colleen Mulready, director of the DRC’s agency in Ulster County, says, “All someone has to do is contact us, talk with somebody on the phone, then come in and we conduct an intake where we learn what the dispute is about. We do a wide spectrum of cases. About half are community issues, like disputes between neighbors, landlords and tenants, consumers and businesses or contractors, personal loans. The other half is family mediation, especially between parents at all phases of separation and divorce.” Additional family services include parent-child mediation, parenting plans, prenuptial agreements, and elder mediation.

DRC also offers school and community programs on tolerance, interpersonal skills, conflict prevention, teen mediation, and much more. The agency is an innovator as well, developing model programs such as Special Education Mediation, Custody Visitation Mediation, the Parent Education and Custody Effectiveness (PEACE) program, and Parents Apart.