Don’t negotiate too much. In fact, I would say don’t negotiate at all, especially over what is already yours. The people around you want the same things you do; some, or one, is just a little less comfortable with the notion than you are. This may be difficult for you to conceive of, since it’s perfectly desirable to you. If you negotiate, remember that you’re actually participating in someone else’s inner working-out process. It’s better to leave that to them. And it would be great if you remember that you have what this person wants; their issue is that they are likely to be struggling with that desire. Usually we look to others to get us through these things, and we end up getting used as projection screens where others work out their issues. This is precisely what I’m suggesting you step out of the way of. You know that there’s no reason for conflict. You are not in doubt about whether what you, or anyone else, desires is “good” or “legitimate.” I would say that you’re looking for a meeting place where you can share with other willing people. So start with the willing others and then get into the sharing. Whether someone feels willing or ready is really their business. Soon enough anyone with any doubts will figure out that desire is healthy, especially the desire to make contact with others. The conflict is a ruse, and when that ends, something else will be revealed.
This article appears in June 2011.
