One reason self-esteem is such a difficult issue to get a hold on is because of this other thing called projection. Most people look to others for validity of who they are, for affirmation of their worth. Yet when others reflect that worth back to them, it doesn’t necessarily align with how they feel inside. The result can be a weird differential, a gap, a disconnect. Is this person lying? Are they making things up? Are they just passionate about everything, and I am coming along for the ride? I suggest you experiment with considering the appreciation that others feel for you as actually saying something about you. Imagine, for a moment, that it’s a source of information, of verification, and a kind of lesson in life. More than that, when someone is excited about you, you get the opportunity to explore yourself. True, you’re exploring in the context of another person; but when you do that, you’re really swimming within your own consciousness, and your own possibilities. Everything you experience becomes your own. I suggest you be generous about reflecting that back, as confidence, as happiness, and as consciously offering your journey as something that others around you can get a taste of. One thing you may be aware of is that when people have a mutual experience, it changes both of them. Yes, indeed—that’s the idea.
This article appears in February 2015.
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